Being able to manage our emotions and learn to live with them is basic to our psychological well-being. Let’s see how to get it.
Emotions are an intense and automatic reaction that we feel to an external stimulus or to an internal perception in our brain. They can be positive (such as joy and pride) or negative (such as fear, sadness, anger, or distress). However, in most cases all of them are useful, regardless of whether they make us feel good or bad.
Now, there are times when we experience emotional disturbances, situations in which our mood becomes unbalanced and becomes a problem in itself. That is why it is very important to learn to educate emotions.
- We recommend you read: “How to combat the fear of leaving the comfort zone at work”
How can I educate my emotions?
Emotional intelligence, or the ability to understand emotions and manage them correctly, is a very necessary quality both in our personal life and in the professional field.
Luckily, this can be enhanced effectively with the help of a psychologist. But beyond professional assistance, there are also guidelines and tips that are usually useful as a way to generate habits that help us modulate our emotions. Here are some of the key ideas that can help in this regard.
1. Train the ability to recognize emotion
The first step to learn to manage emotions is to recognize and analyze the emotion we are feeling, perceive the physical sensations that it makes us feel and also the thoughts it generates in us. This is a task based on introspection to which we can dedicate even a few minutes at times of the week when we feel more emotionally overwhelmed; Taking small notes on this usually helps, so ideally you should carry a small notebook or notepad with you.
In these sessions of “self-training” we must ask ourselves what exactly we are feeling in order to detect the differences and nuances between the emotional states that we are experiencing, and that we are able to put their corresponding name to each one.
In addition to that, it is necessary to take some time to analyze the reason for the emotionand what is its concrete cause, its reason for being. For this, the most useful thing is to look at the memories or external stimuli that were affecting us more at the moment of appearance of the emotion. In this way, from that moment we will know what emotion it is and what its origin is, as long as we feel and experience the same sensations.
2. Accept and express emotion
Accepting an emotion, even if it hurts us, is another key stepin learning to educate and manage one’s emotions. The basic idea is that trying to suppress or eliminate them completely is not only impossible in the short term, but also makes it harder to stop giving them much importance.
In the same way, it is highly recommended to express this emotion as much as possible, either to the closest circles of family and friends or by writing a diary or self-recording about what we feel every day and how it affects us.
3. Practice relaxation techniques
There are many techniques that we can practice daily either to learn to manage emotions leading our nervous system to a state of less activation; some of them can bebreathing techniques, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation of Jacobson or Mindfulness.
By not being in an “alert” state, it is easier to adopt a more constructive mindset in the face of our own emotions rather than get frustrated that we cannot eliminate them immediately. Therefore, they are techniques that help balance our mood and prevent intrusive thoughts from constantly disturbing us.
- To know more: “The 8 types of meditation (and their benefits)”
4. Find alternative sources of gratification and stimulation
Another of the most useful tips to educate our emotions has to do withgetting involved in activities that set us goals in the short and medium term. In this way, we will always have objectives that will “pull us” and lead us to orient our actions and our thoughts towards specific behaviors, which allows us to channel emotions in a productive way.
Above all, it is important to subdivide the goals into smaller ones that give us the possibility of meeting objectives in a matter of minutes or a few hours, since in this way the task will be more effective as a source of motivation.
5. Don’t block out feelings we don’t like
Trying to block orsuppress a painful emotion is the worst thing you can do. This mechanism can eventually generate psychological problems of all kinds because it facilitates the appearance of psychological rumination; In other words, it predisposes us to not stop thinking about what worries us or makes us feel bad.
6. Learning from other people
Like many other things in life, emotional intelligence can also be enhanced through vicarious learning, that is, by observing others. Openly asking friends and family what their mechanisms are for managing their own emotionscan be helpful, but it’s even more helpful to look at what they do and how what they do makes them feel.
Are you looking for psychological assistance services?
If you are seeking the professional help of a psychologist to learn how to manage your emotions, contact me. I am a psychologist specialized in the cognitive-behavioral model, and I attend both in my practice located in Madrid and online by video call.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.