Emotional intelligence is a construct that helps us put ourselves in the place of others and act accordingly to their needs. Find out what it’s based on.
Being part of society involves a series of challenges that cannot be ignored. Although it is possible to survive at the physiological level without the right emotional tools, it is clear that the lack of empathy, interpretation of feelings, intelligence and adaptability can drastically reduce the quality of life at the individual level. Yes, it is possible to live without reasoning much, but the lack of emotional intelligence can play very bad tricks in the short and long term.
In the term we have just introduced, it is the basic key to social adaptation and the foundation of any healthy relationship, of whatever kind. Today we tell you everything aboutemotional intelligence, a construct or extremely useful tool at all levels.
- We recommend you read: “6 tips to know how to educate emotions”
What is emotional intelligence?
Defining emotional intelligence (EI) is not as simple as you might initially expect. Being a social construct that cannot be observed materially or objectively, the term is subject to different meanings, although a general and relatively consensual definition can be outlined. Emotional intelligence refers to the capacities and abilities of the individual for the understanding, feeling, control and modification of their own and others’ emotions.
Robert K. Cooper, a pioneer in the field of neurology, has defined EI as “the ability to effectively feel, understand, and apply the power and acuity of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence.” Other psychologists and specialists in the field give other descriptions a little more accurate, such as the following: “emotional intelligence is a subset of social intelligence that encompasses the ability to control one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate between them and to use this information to guide thoughts and actions.”
We could continue listing definitions for hours and hours, because this construct has been widely studied and is still being researched today. In any case, we see fit tosummarize the competencies of emotional intelligence in the following basic points:
- The knowledge of one’s own emotions, that is, knowing how to identify and rationalize them when they appear. This pillar is based on introspection.
- Ability to adapt emotions to the moment, the context and the person in front of you. This entails good emotional control.
- Ability to motivate oneself: delay gratification and control impulsivity.
- Empathic attitude, that is, being able to understand the emotions of others and act accordingly.
- Manage relationships, which involves understanding the impact of our actions on the environment around us.
Intelligence (and therefore emotional) is integrated into 3 basic dimensions. The first one is the compositional, and refers to the cognitive mechanisms that allow us to develop and apply behaviors that are considered “intelligent”. The second dimension is the exponential, which allows us to address a new task or situation, thus creating an adequate response to the objective to be achieved. The last is the practical-social dimension, that is, knowing how to adapt to the environment to solve useful and everyday problems.
All these dimensions can be perfectly applied to emotional intelligence. These mechanisms are learned (based on the physiology of the human brain), practiced and contextualized. Like any other social tool or construct, EI can be known and refined over time.
The aspects of emotional intelligence
Cooper and Sawaf, professionals who wrote the work “Emotional intelligence applied to leadership and organizations” and many others, argue that emotional intelligence is made up of 4 different aspects. We tell you briefly in the following lines.
1. Emotional literacy
Emotional literacy is defined as the teaching-learning process that represents the action of educating emotions from the school environment. As indicated by cognitive behavioral therapy, all complex social behavior is learned and, therefore, can be taught, modified or unlearned over time.
Emotional literacy consists of being aware of our emotions, channeling the strength they give us and transforming it into a kind of creative and solving “passion”. If we see feelings as a flow of energy, emotional intelligence allows us to use its current to achieve our goals and resolve conflicts.
2. Emotional agility
Being emotionally agile involves learning to live with our emotions, thoughts and memories in a healthy way, as indicated by the doctor in psychology Susan David, writer of the work “Emotional agility: Break your blockages, embrace change and succeed at work and in life”.
Emotional agility is manifested in a double aspect: offering others a degree of confidence that leads to empathic communicationand obtaining a capacity for flexibility, speed and renewal to face the needs that arise.
3. Emotional depth
We are not going to dwell too much on this aspect, because it has a clear ethical and moral component that is individual and subjective. Emotional depth gives us an applied integrity, that is, knowing how to do the right thing at the right timefor ourselves when acting (ascendant without authority). To present an iron emotional intelligence, the individual must be able to discern between “good” and “evil” autonomously according to what has been learned, perceived and the social context in which he finds himself.
4. Emotional Alchemy
It is also known as “intuitive flow”, and allows us to experience more fully a certain point in time and connect with our own feelings and “being” effectively. Emotions and thoughts are not trapped in time, but have a future projection and application.
What is emotional intelligence for?
It was necessary to establish all the theory that we have presented to you, because there are many motivational spaces that repeat the benefits of emotional intelligence, but do not expose the foundations that give it shape and applicability. In order to develop a tool, it is necessary to know where it comes from, what it is based on and where it is going. We hope that we have addressed those issues in the previous lines.
As you can imagine, emotional intelligence is useful for virtually any social situation you can imagine. In a discussion, for example, it will help you know what to say (emotional agility), turn anger into intention to create solutions (emotional literacy), not hurt the feelings of the other based on your own conception of insult and offense (emotional depth) and fully feel the situation to apply what you have learned on future occasions (emotional alchemy).
This example can be transferred to any situation that comes to mind: running a company, comforting a friend, convincing a person, achieving a goal, avoiding impulse purchases, rationalizing your feelings, not getting carried away by a bad streak and a long etcetera. If we had to summarize emotional intelligence in a single sentence (saving the distances), perhaps it would be the following: “Do not treat others as you would like to be treated, but as they need to be treated.”
Summary
Here we have presented the fundamentals of emotional intelligence and some of its practical uses, but it is clear that, in order to achieve it, the help of a professional in the field is necessary to guide each individual in a personal and focused way. If you feel that you are not able to understand the feelings of others and you find yourself in the middle of involuntary confrontations on many occasions, we recommend that you go to a psychologist to refine your social skills.
In any case, do not make a very typical mistake when dealing with these issues: emotional intelligence is not a tool to achieve what you want. If you use “empathy”, rhetoric and willingness to achieve your goals to the detriment of others, you are not exercising emotional intelligence, but a type of manipulation. EI exists in itself to adapt to the environment and achieve the objectives, but always from a prism of kindness and personal growth.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.
