Feeling that nothing is going well is very normal nowadays, but there are a number of reasons behind this feeling. Identifying them will allow us to put order in our lives.
Sometimes one goes through bad streaks or times that you feel that everyone is tripping and that one cannot advance. Suddenly, dreams are diluted andone sometimes loses motivationor gets up without knowing what their goals are. Days go by and you feel like a hamster stuck in a wheel that keeps spinning.
But is it true that everything goes wrong? Will you be able to get out of this one? The truth is that although one may feel lost, everything is transitory in this life and everything passes. When we go through these kinds of negative spirals in which one does not see the light, it is best to stop. It is important to give yourself some time, accept that you feel bad and analyze what happens to you and think about what we can do.
Almost without realizing it, we enter a state of helplessness in which we assume that, whatever we do, nothing will change our adverse situation. However, there is something behind these experiences. Is it fate that conjures up against us? Is there anything wrong with us? In this article we will try to answer these and other questions.
- We recommend you read: “Low self-esteem? 6 practical tips to improve our confidence”
Why is everything going wrong for me? Causes behind this feeling
We do not know if bad luck exists or if it can be controlled. Therefore, we must look for objective and concrete causes. There are many personal factors that can influence the way we observe reality, whichcan be changed with personal effort or seeking professional help.
When we manage to identify the triggers behind the negative facts, we may gain a greater sense of control that allows us to take charge of the matter. Let’s review the possible causes.
1. Filtering phenomenon
It seems that behind this belief that nothing is going well for us there is a cognitive distortion. It consists of selecting in the form of a “tunnel vision” a single aspect of a situation, an aspect that stains the entire interpretation of the situation and does not realize that the others contradict each other.
Everything negative is filtered out and the positive is forgotten. One looks only at what goes wrong and only pays attention to the error, perceiving only the adverse and without being able to see anything else. This distortion can be detected with keywords like “I can’t stand that,” “I can’t stand that,” “it’s awful,” or “it’s unbearable.”
2. Low self-esteem
Self-esteem can weaken and vary over time and with experiences. For this reason, self-esteem is not something that can be achieved from one day to the next, nor is it preserved for life. Low self-esteem can make us doubt our worth and see ourselves in a much more negative way.
It is not surprising, then, that if we have low self-esteemwe perceive everything that surrounds us under the prism of negativity. Therefore, if at some point in our lives we find ourselves wondering why everything goes wrong, it is worth asking ourselves how our self-esteem and self-love are going. Low self-esteem is something that can be worked with the help of a psychologist to return to perceive ourselves with the true value we have.
3. Learned pessimism
Pessimism is a way of thinking and behaving characterized by the personjudging everything that happens to him in the worst possible way, in the sense that he makes negative interpretations of what happens and what is going to happen. Therefore, pessimism is one more cultural trait and you can end up learning and end up integrating into a person’s mentality.
If we have grown up listening to these kinds of messages, it is difficult to let go of this way of seeing life. Pessimism can stand in contrast to the optimism sometimes instilled in us in this society, where it seems that we should always be happy. While optimism can also be toxic, it is important to correct pessimism in order to face life in the best way.
4. Covert disorder
We must not forget that behind this feeling there may be some psychological problem or a mental disorder that requires psychotherapeutic intervention. Mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression, act like a dark fog that makes everything more confusing.
- You may be interested: “What is anxiety and how to identify it?”
In this way, the idea that nothing goes right for us can be as a response to an anxiety disorder or depression. People who suffer from depression often blame themselves for the bad things that happen to them and tend to think they deserve their misfortunes. They tend to devalue themselves a lot and can attribute those merits to luck and not to the fruits of their efforts.
5. Difficult times
Finally, we must bear in mind that sometimes difficult times are going through and getting out of them is not always in our hands. Living through a global pandemic, the collapse of the economy, the death of a family member and other events can profoundly affect our lives. These moments may not last forever, however, it is essential to accept them and be aware that, sometimes, we can do nothing.
- We recommend you read: “Stress and anxiety due to teleworking in the face of the global pandemic”
Therefore, it is essential to accept the situation in which we find ourselves and think that it will be temporary. In the same way, it is highly recommended to let yourself be cared for and advised by those loved ones and understand that sometimes we have to give ourselves some time to recompose ourselves. After all, it is vital to accept that life is not a perfect event of facts (just the opposite), and accepting it will reduce frustration.
What can we do to regain optimism?
First of all, it is important not to lose your cool and not get stuck in the “nothing will work out for me”. It can be good for you to enhance positive thinking and try that your inner voice is not negative, on the contrary, that it is positive language to put the brain at our service. Thinking that everything will go well and giving enough value to health, family and employment can help provide well-being and satisfaction. Positive thinking involves rethinking and positive attitudes can motivate us to engage in constructive action.
Try to surround yourself with positive people, because in the same way that comes with optimism, having a network of people who think positively can help you cope with problems. It’s important to share time with those people who make you feel accepted and valuable.
To acquire the habit of positive thinking, you can reflect on those things that go wrong, reflect on the reason for those situations and observe how your thinking influences these things to happen to you. Some therapists recommend making use of a diary, since writing not only allows you to order and empty the mind, but also allows you to glimpse in a very clear way what are the issues that most concern you and the most recurrent.
When you wake up, try to set what the goals of the day will be to start it much more motivated. Those who plan before acting tend to get better results. When the problem area has been identified and the priority list has been established, it doesn’t hurt to invest some of your time in how to address the problem.
Don’t worry, after a bad day it’s normal to feel bad about yourself. However, it is essential to raise self-esteem and a good way to do this isby celebrating good deeds with people who are close to us and who appreciate us. Sometimes, we have been bombarded too much with the importance of humility and have forgotten the importance of being proud of what we do.
There are many small actions that can change your mood. Getting out of the loop of negativity and procrastination is not always easy, but it is enough to make a small movement so that the wheel begins to turn in our favor. You must also accept that there are aspects that are beyond your control and that there are certain complicated times where things are not conducive to us.
In the same way, it is important todedicate a few minutes to the relaxation of the body. There are many natural relaxation methods that rely on active mental processes that leave the body and mind centered and calm. Some of the techniques are carried out through meditation where accumulated stress is eliminated, energy increases and our health improves.
- We recommend you read: “Jacobson’s Progressive Relaxation: what is it and how to use it?”
To do this practice, find a good place where you can stretch and take deep breaths from your abdomen to your lungs, consciously taking and exhaling as much air as you can. In concentrating with the breath you will connect with the earth and with the present and it will allow you to make a full awareness with reality.
Finally, do not hesitate to ask for help from professionals, who will help you better identify what are the aspects that do not let you move forward and guide you in a therapeutic process that aims at your personal growth. You can search for professionalshere.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.