Many people suffer from the friend zone, and it is best to break this vicious circle no matter what.
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What is the friendzone?
The friendzone in Spanish would literally translate as “friendship zone” . It is a term that refers to an asymmetrical relationship between two people on a sentimental level. The most frequent thing is that these people are of a different gender (that is if they are heterosexual, but it is applicable to people with other orientations).
In friend zone cases, one of the two people (often the man) has deeper feelings towards the other person than those related to a good friendship. You would like to go out with this person and start a romantic relationship, but it is very difficult for you to get out of the “friend zone”.
The friend zone describes, therefore, a situation that practically all people have experienced to a greater or lesser degree. However, despite the suitability of this expression throughout history, this term was born in the 90’s. Since then it has become popular worldwide.
More specifically, the expression first appeared in an episode of the hit series “Friends” called “The One with the Blackout.” In it, the character Joey Tribbiani expresses Ross Geller would be “the greatest of the friend zone” (something like “the mayor of the friend zone”) because of his feelings towards Rachel Green.
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8 tips to know how to get out of the friendzone
The friend zone is a situation that is very difficult to get out of without changing the way you act . A friendly relationship of this type becomes hopelessly close when one of the two people has deep feelings.
Trying to cope with these emotions is very difficult, and you may experience indescribable sadness surrounding the person you believe to be unrequited. And it is that on many occasions it is not known if the other person can actually feel attraction as well. Here are the tips to know how to get out of the friend zone.
1. Show no more submission
The friend zone is characterized by the dominance that one person has over the other . The asymmetry in terms of feelings means that, in practice, whoever feels attraction tends to give in.
Normally the tendency is to do things for the other person without the reverse happening. It could be said that the attitude is markedly complacent, and its purpose is none other than to please the other person.
This is very counterproductive, since it wears down the person who suffers from the friendzone on an emotional level. We must accept that this way of interacting does not bear the desired results, and it is better to change so that this asymmetry does not continue.
2. Put distance
When a friendzone situation continues, action must be taken . One way to do it is to put land in the middle, and that is that the vicious circle must be closed in some way.
Putting distance can happen different things, and it’s worth trying. First of all, it may be that the other person you distance yourself from misses the other person. You have to let him find out if what he feels is also a feeling that goes beyond friendship.
If this does not end up happening, it is not a bad exercise either. Those who suffered from friendzone can realize that in reality they had idealized the other person too much and that life goes on without them, with the possibility of recovering the friendship later.
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3. See other people
The person who is in the friend zone can benefit greatly from seeing other people . These other people are not just other friends, but potential people with whom to have an emotional bond.
This can generate different situations, again generally positive. It may be that the other person realizes that she is missing a train, that is, that in reality she also feels something more than a friendship (and that she may lose the possibility of a relationship).
If you don’t react like that, it can still be beneficial for the person in the friend zone. Seeing other people is one of the best ways to see if you can get out of the friend zone and stop thinking about the idealized person.
4. Do not show as much availability
Who is in the friend zone tends to leave everything for the other person . This can play a trick on the perception of the other person towards whom you are in the “friendship zone”.
When a person is totally available, they can “project less value”. This means you can convey that you don’t have as many resources when it comes to people to hang out with.
Leaving everything to see a person, therefore, can be counterproductive. It is better that from time to time she realizes that not everything revolves around her. It is about not taking the asymmetry of the relationship for granted, even if it is on an unconscious level.
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5. Seduce
Resorting to seduction is another good tip to get out of the friend zone . In fact, the person who feels attracted to what would want to start a romance, and there is no love relationship if there is no attraction in both directions.
The first step in trying to seduce another person is to take note of what he likes. Showing interest in the same activities and sharing them (concerts, books, movies) is a great step, but it is best to try to establish some kind of emotional bond.
This can be achieved in many subtle ways on a physical level, such as looking the other person in the eye, holding them emotionally or giving them affection when they need it, or touching their hands while talking.
6. Come clean
What can happen to tell the truth? Well, what can happen is less terrible than is normally thought, and in any case it is very worth trying after so long in the friend zone.
Sometimes there are doubts about his answer and in others there is some kind of conviction, but you cannot know what the other person feels until you are honest. On many occasions the answer can be surprisingly positive, which avoids spending more time in an unexpectedly shared indecision.
On the other hand, the answer may be negative. And that? A friendzone situation does not provide the happiness and emotional stability that a person needs, so it is good to speak honestly to be able to turn the page if necessary.
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7. Prepare a shock plan
A good option for the most savvy is to prepare a good plan . The key is to come up with a plan that the other person might like, like a concert, dinner, then go out for a drink, etc.
For example, a good dinner with good food and good wine can provide the starting point to create the ideal situation. Then go out to dance and hold each other close, touch each other … and kiss each other!
Giving the other person a kiss in a context where they can feel receptive can be the final step needed to get out of the friend zone. The answer may be negative, but… you might like what you are up to!
8. Accept the situation and try to take advantage
This point is for people who want to risk living intensely . In some cases, what happens is that the idealized person has no interest in starting a relationship, but this does not mean that they reject any idea of rapprochement.
The idea of having some kind of carnal relationship can glide between the two of you, so maybe you can’t get out of the friendzone, but why not have a friendzone with rights? It’s all about raising it!
There are many people who, without starting a romantic relationship, do have sporadic encounters and share a bed. However, this can be dangerous for the person with the deepest feelings, so it should be carefully considered if this could be an option.
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Bibliographic references
- Bleske-Rechek, A., Somers, E., Micke, C., Erickson, L., Matteson, L., Stocco, C., Schumacher, B. y Ritchie, L. (2012). Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29 (5), 569–596.
- Lee, M.E. (2017). Love in the Friend Zone (Entangled Crush Books).
- Weger Jr., H. (2015). Cross‐Sex Friendships. En: The International Encyclopedia of Interpersonal Communication. Hoboken (Nueva Jersey, EUA): Wiley-Blackwell.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.