We explain how to overcome a heartbreak in the best way with 10 tips from experts in the field.
Love is one of the most pleasant common experiences that we can experience in our lives. Even so, for different reasons, relationships end.
In this article we try to advise you on how to fall out of love with someone and finally turn the page.
10 expert tips to fall out of love
There are things that are unavoidable. Although it may seem cliché, as time goes by, a satisfactory relationship can turn into a very unpleasant situation, full of misunderstandings, sadness and frustration.
Here are ten tips for getting over those people we’ve left behind, but still carry inside (ie, how to fall out of love).
1. Cut communication
We have all heard it at some point and, although we do not want to believe it, there are times when continuing the relationship as friends is completely unfeasible. Especially if one of the two people is still in love and the other has already turned the page.
Although no one knows what the future will bring, the truth is that right after a breakup is usually not the best time to make friends with your ex-partner. It can be a very unpleasant experience and fill you with feelings of emptiness, not being able to maintain the intimate and supportive relationship that you were used to.
To avoid this unpleasant stage, without this meaning cutting off contact permanently, allow yourself some time without hearing from that person if you feel you need it . This way you will avoid the emotional instability that can cause you to see how happy they are after moving away from you and other unpleasant situations that you may not be able to comfortably bear if the breakup is recent or you are still in love with your ex-partner.
Yes, this usually means avoiding digital contact as well . You need a lot of emotional stability to be able to digest that your partner turns the page before you, and being in a vulnerable state emotionally speaking, this may catapult us to very dark places in our psyche.
2. Accept your feelings
Fighting what we feel is usually a good recipe for emotional discomfort. We recommend that you analyze how you feel and break it down at your own pace, to understand what your emotions are.
Self-awareness is a very powerful tool for overcoming negative emotions and the behaviors that they can trigger. Accept that we feel sad, that we miss our ex-partner, or that we are really upset with some aspect of our previous relationship (for example, in the case that they have been unfaithful to us, or simply the frustration of not understanding each other like before), it allows us to accept that the relationship is over, that these feelings are normal, and that in time they too will pass.
- It might interest you: “How to be happy? 15 keys to achieve it”
3. Remember why you are no longer together
Falling out of love is complicated, but research on this topic seems to show that an effective tool to turn the page is simply to think negative things about your ex-partner . It could be really painful things that they put you through, or any of the thousands of aspects of that person that you didn’t like, or that annoyed you.
Perhaps that person with whom we spent so much time had unpleasant habits, such as not cleaning the house or abusing substances. He may have treated us really badly whenever he came home from work. He didn’t like cheese anyway. The issue is to think unpleasant things about that person to avoid thinking only about the pleasant things of a relationship in which you are not.
It is not necessary to generate resentment or animosity towards our ex-partner (although it can help temporarily, even if it is feigned or half-joking), but thinking about unpleasant things from our previous relationship helps us to get out of spirals of pleasant memories of something that already does not exist, that although it may feel good temporarily, it increases our feelings of abandonment and loneliness.
4. Enjoy your free time
Wow, what is this? When we break up a relationship, we realize that we have a lot of free time that we didn’t have before. This free time is a trap as well as a blessing. If we make the most of it, we can enrich our lives in ways that we may have always wanted , but never tried, or simply return to activities that we no longer had time for.
This free time, if not filled, will be something that we can even fear. When we are alone without doing anything, we can easily be assailed by negative thoughts and feelings, which are not always easy to accept. Be productive with your free time and fill your life with what makes you feel good about yourself. This will improve your self-esteem and you will be building a better life by taking advantage of the impulse of the breakup.
5. Avoid extremes
It’s easy to fall into extreme behavior when we go through a bad season. Perhaps our habit of drinking a daily beer becomes something more dangerous. It could also be that we are suddenly terrified of being alone and need to be constantly surrounded by people (or just the opposite, we close in on ourselves and completely forget about the outside world).
In life, the vast majority of things have their just measure. Try not to fall into extreme behaviors while you are in the process of falling out of love , since being in a vulnerable state, it can make us develop very toxic habits for ourselves.
6. Relate to your close people
When someone is trying to fall out of love or is going through a breakup, our friends and family are often great allies. They can give us an outside perspective on our problems, especially if they have known us for a long time and we have a close relationship with them.
Don’t be afraid of being asked awkward questions, just let them know how comfortable you feel explaining your situation if you feel overwhelmed. Normally they just want to understand you to know what you are going through and see if they can help you.
7. Dedicate yourself to a new activity
If you have a hobby, why not give it the time it deserves now that you have it? The reality is that dedicating ourselves to learning a new language, trying a new sport, starting dance or acting classes… are activities that improve our self-esteem as we improve in them.
Improving our self-esteem is key to falling out of love , because part of this process is managing to fill the emptiness we feel because of the breakup with self-love. Also, keeping up a hobby is a great way to meet new people that can enrich our lives in ways we never imagined.
Bonus points if it’s a physical activity! Exercising makes us feel better about ourselves and is very healthy.
- You may be interested in reading: “The 10 types of couples (according to their sentimental relationship)”
8. Reflect on the separation
It is a painful but fundamental part of the process of falling out of love. The vast majority of relationships end up separating sooner or later and it is natural. It just means that you weren’t as compatible as you might think at first.
Thinking about our role in the relationship after our strongest feelings have passed is very beneficial . Not only does it help us fall out of love, but it also gives us clues about the areas in which we want to improve as people. It is very difficult to do things better when we do not know what we have done wrong.
In addition, this process of reflecting on our actions in the relationship, in rebound, can make us forgive the other person for unpleasant behavior towards us. Decreasing negative feelings towards them will give us relief that will help us turn the page more comfortably.
9. Do not seek to fill the void with another relationship
A mistake that many people make is “playing the Tarzan” with relationships, going from one to another as if they were vines that prevent them from falling into loneliness.
This is a very unhealthy fear of being alone and can be the result of a wrong perception of ourselves. More than being alone, we are really only without a partner. There is nothing wrong with that, we are not less valid than anyone else for not having a romantic partner.
If we feel that we need someone to live with, it means that we are unable to live on our own, but this does not have to be true . An important mark of a healthy relationship is the ability of its members to function autonomously.
In addition, by moving from one relationship to another quickly we deprive ourselves of the maturation process that breakups offer us. Most likely, if we do this, we will end up making past mistakes or worse, transferring our previous feelings to someone else. This type of relationship is usually unhealthy and short-lived, so it is better to give ourselves some time alone before venturing into another romantic relationship.
10. Allow yourself to love again and have fun
Finally, tip number 10 is apparently the opposite of tip number 9, but nothing could be further from the truth. Once we feel more comfortable with ourselves, with higher levels of self-esteem and are no longer haunted by the ghost of the past relationship, we will have gone a long way in the process of falling out of love.
As the saying goes, a nail drives out another nail . Allowing ourselves to explore our romantic side once we have healed our emotional state can be the key to finally falling out of love. Good luck!
Bibliographic references
- Earp, BD, Wudarczyk, OA, Foddy, B., & Savulescu, J. (2017). Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated? Philosophy, psychiatry, & psychology: PPP, 24(1), 77–92.
- Abbasi and Alghamdi, (2017) “Polarized Couples in Therapy: Recognizing Indifference as the Opposite of Love.” Journal of sex and marital therapy.
- Triglia, Adrian; Regader, Bertrand; Garcia-Allen, Jonathan (2016). psychologically speaking.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.
