It is an uncomfortable and painful situation, but it is not insurmountable.
From a relationship that is based on affection and mutual trust, it is usually passed to another in which distrust and resentment predominate, if not directly the need to avoid the person who has been unfaithful.
How to overcome infidelity in a marriage? Are there methods to re-emerge trust and love not be compromised by deception, constant arguments, and frustrations?
- Read this post by Miguel Ángel Rizaldos: “Jealousy problems in the couple: what to do to overcome them?”
Tips to overcome infidelity in marriage
The challenge of overcoming marital infidelity is almost always a complicated mission in which there are many feelings at play and important implications about what life we may have in the near future. However, this does not discourage many people who, after having broken fundamental commitments in their love relationships (or after having been victims of this breach of commitments), bet on fighting to keep that marriage afloat.
In these cases, it is very common that one of the causes of discomfort suffered by the members of the couple in crisis is the following thought: “Is it worth making an effort to overcome infidelity, or is everything lost?” Fortunately,in many cases it does make sense to work to reconnect with the other personand try to get the marriage back on track. Here we will see some recommendations and key ideas to achieve it.
These tips are intended for people who have already spent some time reflecting on whether they really want to continue a relationship whose fundamental commitments have been damaged by infidelity. In case you have not gone through this, it is important that you do it as soon as possible. It is hard to go through a couple breakup, but it is even harder to continue being in one that only exists due to inertia, the habit of living together and the fear of changing lifestyles by returning to singleness.
1. End the relationship with the third person
This step is the foundation on which reconciliation will be built. If you do not go through this stage, there is no point in trying to re-strengthen the couple’s love bond, neither independently nor with the help of a psychologist who performs couples therapy. Good intentions do not change the fact that if they are not reflected in actions that reflect a commitment to the other person, promises do not matter.
2. Give yourself a space to express yourself without fear
Another measure to overcome infidelity in marriage is to allow both parties to express themselves honestly. This will avoid future misunderstandings, and will also make it possible to detect objectives that must be achieved so that the marriage bond is in good health, satisfying both people and not one more than the other.
3. Emphasize common values
Even in cases where the discussion has reduced communication between two people to a minimum, there are common values that hold them together. That is why exploring these issues is recommended to re-adopt a positive attitude towards the other person, and encourage them to maintain the same attitude towards us.
4. Fix background issue
For there to be reasons to think that no more infidelities will occur, it is necessary to resolve what has precipitated the infidelity that has already occurred: it is not enough to “forget” that it has occurred and continue living as before. the deception was discovered. You have to stop to think about what has led that person to seek intimacy with someone who is not part of the marriage, and apply measures designed to solve that on a daily basis.
For example, if the person has been unfaithful mainly because of an inferiority complex that leads him not to want to express his sexuality before his wife or husband, work must be done to put an end to that, so that he can fully enjoy this aspect of life. life with the person you have married.
5. Go to couples therapy to maximize the options of reconciliation
Psychologists have a lot of experience helping to rebuild relationships that have been damaged, as well as assisting with problems that poorly manage their emotions and impulses. In addition, in couples therapy there is an arbitrator who maintains a neutral position and does not judge anyone, simply giving guidelines for action to help the love bond based on a new commitment arise.
Bibliographic references
- Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 – 235.
- Sternberg, R. (2004). A Triangular Theory of Love. In Reis, H. T.; Rusbult, C. E. Close Relationships. New York: Psychology Press.
- Weeks, G.R; Gambescia, N.; Jenkins, R.E (2003). Treating Infidelity: Therapeutic Dilemmas and Effective Strategies. New York: W.W. Norton & Co.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.
