Intransigent people are those who do not accept points of view and opinions other than their own. They are characterized by being rigid and reluctant to change their position, even when the facts refute their beliefs.
Human beings are individuals of a social nature, so we need to interact with others to feel good. Interpersonal relationships provide us with security, protection and affection, but they also help us configure a vision of the world around us. In this way, from the earliest ages we begin to establish bonds with other people in different scenarios, so that what we are is built from those bonds that we are forming.
Although we cannot live without social relationships, they are not always easy or satisfying . Not everyone with whom we interact throughout life makes things easy for us, and sometimes we can feel that certain people in our circle give us more than one headache because of their way of being.
If you have ever felt this way, you may have an intransigent person around you. This adjective refers to those who are too closed-minded and unable to understand the point of view of others. In this article we are going to discuss in detail what intransigent people are like and how you can deal with them to avoid conflicts and damage to your own psychological well-being.
- We recommend you read: “The 9 personality types (and their characteristics)”
What is an intransigent person?
Intransigent is defined as that person who is intolerant of other points of view other than his own , who continually shows a tendency to prejudge and feel morally superior to the rest. In colloquial language, these types of people are described as stubborn, stubborn or closed-minded. These types of people do not usually give in easily, as they refuse to give their arm to twist since they prefer to remain in their position. Those who adopt this behavior tend to defend their opinions by denying and invalidating those of others, thus showing selfish and stubborn behavior.
We can all show an uncompromising attitude from time to time, because we are not always open to listening to others and understanding their perspective. When the actions of others do not fit into our conception of things, it is possible that our most intolerant side comes to the fore. In some cases, it may be understandable that we show an attitude of total rejection in certain situations that are directly opposed to our values or rights. However, the way to respond must always be assertive, defending our position without hurting or attacking the other.
However, it is important to keep in mind that a punctual intransigent attitude has nothing to do with the fact that some people make this attitude a constant dynamic . Being persistently intransigent is not a psychological disorder, but it is a personality characteristic that can cause many conflicts and relational difficulties.
Living with someone who is intolerant of other people’s points of view and refuses to listen to other opinions can be a challenge that is not always easy to manage. Although, as we say, intransigence is not in itself a psychological disorder, there are certain characteristics that can help us identify this type of person. The following are worth noting:
- Psychological reactance : Intransigent people tend to be contrary by nature. Thus, they rigidly and inflexibly defend their position, without yielding an iota or understanding the values or opinions of others.
- Cognitive conservatism : Intransigent people are reluctant to change their minds, even when the facts refute their initial beliefs. In this way, they maintain their belief schemes despite receiving new information from the environment.
- Alert : When someone is intransigent, they are usually always in a state of continuous vigilance, so that any attempt by others to modify their position will be received as a personal attack.
- Confirmation bias : This bias is common in the general population, but it is especially typical in those who are more intransigent. It consists of searching or analyzing only the information that supports one’s own beliefs or opinions, omitting in parallel any information that casts doubt on them.
- Inflexibility : Intransigence is synonymous with cognitive rigidity, which is why these people are characterized by being markedly inflexible: they do not listen, they do not give in or they do not enrich themselves with what others can contribute.
How to handle intransigence?
It is very likely that in your immediate environment there is one or more intransigent people, although you yourself may have also noticed that you adopt a rigid position before the opinions of others.
As we have been commenting previously, intransigence at times is not a problem, since there are situations in which it is natural for us to put ourselves in a more defensive position. In these cases, the important thing is to know how to manage rejection and express our disagreement with the other’s ideas in an assertive manner.
However, when intransigence is part of someone’s personality, it can be a serious problem that interferes with relationships and normal life in all areas (family, work…). In this case, it is advisable to follow some guidelines to prevent the issue from escalating.
How to handle your own intransigence
In the event that you are the one who has uncompromising behavior, you can take into account some keys. First of all, it is important that you accept that something is not right and that you must work to improve it . Acknowledging your own mistakes and shortcomings is not an easy task, but accepting that we are too intransigent is a good first step to begin to change this.
Observe yourself in your social interactions. Try to see in yourself those behaviors that damage your relationships, such as not giving in, not accepting different opinions, being defensive, sowing frequent arguments, etc. Analyze the messages that the people around you transmit to you: Many times our friends and family give us some clues that we are not having the right attitude. Sometimes they may tell you things like “you can’t talk to yourself” or “you always want to be right”. If you regularly receive this type of message from several people close to you, you should consider that something is not right in your way of acting.
Forget the “I am like this” : Intransigence is not something that forms our person, but a behavior that can be modified with work and patience. It is not about changing overnight, but about making small changes in your life. Learn about other points of view: You can play devil’s advocate and learn to put yourself in the different possible positions in a situation, arguing from each of them to begin to make your way of seeing reality more flexible.
Learn to be assertive: Assertive communication is important for anyone, although if you are intransigent, this can be especially helpful. You have the right to have your opinion, but that does not justify invalidating the beliefs of others. Therefore, it is important that you learn to express what you think or believe without attacking or disqualifying others.
Train your listening skills. Listening is not the same as waiting your turn to speak . You need to learn to listen to the other in a real way, attending to their arguments calmly and openly. Start by holding spaces for debate and conversation with people with whom you feel comfortable. Avoid starting with people with whom you are alert (you don’t like them, you don’t know them very well…), as this will prevent you from chatting and exchanging opinions in a calm way.
These guidelines may be interesting for you to improve your relationship with others. However, if you notice that you are not able to work on this aspect yourself, it is recommended that you go to a professional psychologist.
- We recommend you read: “Histrionic personality: definition, and its 14 characteristic traits”
How to handle the intransigence of others
Sometimes it happens that the one who shows this problem is someone from our environment. If this is your case, it is likely that you have questioned how to handle this situation. First of all, you should know that the golden rule in this case is not to enter to counterattack . Responding with the same rigidity and aggressiveness to an uncompromising person will only serve to make the situation worse.
It is essential to keep in mind that we do not have the power to modify the behavior of others, but we can learn to manage our awareness of the problem and the way in which it affects us. Next, we are going to discuss some guidelines that can be useful when dealing with someone inflexible.
- Rethink the relationship : Sometimes it is necessary to prioritize our well-being before any relationship. It is natural to feel ambivalence towards someone close to you who behaves in this way. If on a day-to-day basis you notice that interacting with him/her is an increasingly emotional drain on you, think about taking a step back.
- Do not seek to convince : Normally, when dealing with a person of this type, we tend to seek to change his mind, as if we were going to be able to convince him. However, this is counterproductive. Do not focus on changing her thoughts, because the only thing you will get is to wear yourself out. Accepting that you don’t have to try harder is very freeing, so start putting this into practice.
- Respect : First of all, keep in mind that you should never disrespect that person. Otherwise, you’re just playing into his game and giving him more reason to be defensive.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.
