Love is a universal feeling that we have all experienced. Its definition is not easy since it is an abstract concept and there is not a single type of love, but several. Let’s explore the psychology behind each of them.
- We recommend you read: “The Psychology of Love: why do we fall in love?”
the triangle of love
Trying to corsete the reality of love in simple and concrete definitions means ignoring everything that this word encompasses. The interest that love generates in society has led to numerous attempts to study it from a scientific point of view . Curiously, an element so present in culture that it is continuously reflected in music, cinema, literature or painting, has been elusive for researchers who have tried to understand it. Many theoretical proposals have been made, but it has not been possible to understand love in a holistic way, precisely because there is no single type of love.
Despite the complex panorama regarding this concept, there is a theory that has allowed us to make a fairly accurate approximation to what love is. We are talking about Sternberg’s Triangular Theory. According to this theory, love has three essential dimensions. These constitute the vertices of an equilateral triangle, so that these pillars are always present but are combined and expressed differently in each type of love. The elements that support this triangular theory are the following:
- Passion : Passion refers to a state of physical and mental excitement that is experienced in falling in love. In this way, in the love of a couple, passion is responsible for both people feeling mutual attraction and sexual desire. Feeling passion implies experiencing very powerful feelings that generate the desire to join that person not only physically, but also sentimentally. However, passion is not something exclusive to romantic love, since there can also be passion for other people without sexual connotation, such as towards a mother or a child.
- Intimacy : This element refers to the feeling of union, affection and proximity to the other person. Intimacy leads us to want to take care of the other, seek his support from him and establish close and open communication. Intimacy is key in any love relationship (whether romantic or not), because it is what allows us to feel trust and show the other our vulnerabilities, desires, insecurities, etc.
- Commitment : Commitment has to do with the mutual desire to share time and space together, make plans for the future, and nurture love. This element of love leads us to want to continue the relationship and work to achieve it.
What kinds of love exist?
Based on Sternberg’s theory, we are going to comment on the different types of love that can exist.
1. Romantic love
This type of love is the one that results from combining passion and intimacy. It is characterized by the fact that the two people feel attracted physically and psychologically, but do not have the commitment component. That is to say, it is a love that is not framed in the context of a stable sentimental relationship. For this reason, those who live it can experience moments of high conflict derived from the lack of stability and formal involvement to build a life in common.
This type of love is usually very intense but far from reality on many occasions . It is not a feeling that provides calm and tranquility, but agitation resulting from uncertainty. We could consider that romantic love is the closest to the love represented in music, painting or cinema, where loving is an experience full of ups and downs, often with a dramatic ending.
- We recommend you read: “The 10 types of couples (according to their sentimental relationship)”
2. Companion Love
This type of love is the one that is formed when the elements of intimacy and commitment come together . In this case, love is synonymous with support, understanding, communication and continuous search for the well-being of the other person. All this allows to create the perfect scenario so that both people can share their thoughts, fears, desires, plans, knowledge, etc. It is important that in any bond where this love is present there is reciprocity, since a permanent asymmetry in care can greatly wear out the one who provides care to the other.
3. Fatuous love
This type of love is the result of the combination of commitment and passion, without there being a component of intimacy . This feeling is common in relationships that are just beginning to be built, as there has not yet been enough time to build a foundation of real intimacy. However, both people strive to do their best to make the relationship between them work.
4. Infatuation
This type of love is one that is reduced solely and exclusively to the component of passion . This is what we popularly know as a romantic crush, by which we experience a powerful physical attraction to someone in particular. This implies desire, but there is no commitment or intimacy beyond the surface chemistry. One night stands are the clear example of what an infatuation entails.
5. Empty Love
This type of love is one in which there is only the element of commitment . The two people do not feel passion or intimacy, so their bond is reduced to respect and cordiality towards the other person. It is very common to find this type of love in those couples who have become disenchanted by the passage of time and in those relationships that have started out of convenience or external pressure.
- We recommend you read: “The 10 differences between loving and loving someone”
6. Honey
This type of love is based solely on intimacy . It is the feeling of affection that we experience towards other people without sexual desire or joint future plans. This love is what is formed, for example, in friendships.
7. Consummate Love
This love is the one that results from combining intimacy, passion and commitment in a balanced way . From the perspective of the author of the triangular theory, this form of love is the most complete, a kind of ideal that all of us try to achieve in our relationships. Perfection does not exist and aspiring to achieve it in the field of love is a more than ambitious goal.
Each love relationship that we live with others (partners, family, friends…) is unique and different and of course imperfect. The important thing in this sense is that the global balance is positive and the relations that we maintain with our environment are satisfactory for the two parties involved.
Added to this, it is also important to point out that, contrary to what Sternberg thinks, people do not always seek this perfect balance in their romantic relationships. Not all our bonds of love are complete and they give us the three vertices of the triangle. Sometimes, in certain moments of life, we only seek passion and intimacy, without commitments in between. At other times we can put passion aside to find higher levels of stability.
In any case, it is true that most of us form a few special love bonds in our lives, which have marked us much more than others. The love of our mothers, that of a couple with whom we have shared many years in common or that of a child are some of the most common examples.
As we see, love is not only multidimensional, but it is also dynamic. That is, our way of loving changes over time and varies depending on each life stage . That is why the intimacy of a couple is not the same at the beginning as it is after several years together, just as passion is expressed in an increasingly calm way over time. In the same way, we will not be equally willing to commit ourselves at all times of our lives, as this depends on our own emotional state, the response we get from the other person, etc.
Conclusions
In this article we have talked about the types of love that exist. Love is an abstract feeling and very difficult to define. This is because it depends on cultural factors, it is multidimensional and dynamic. Although love is continually present in our lives and in culture, how we love from a scientific point of view has not yet been fully understood.
However, some theoretical approaches have been made that have allowed us to understand the different types of love that people can feel towards others. Beyond romantic love, we can love our family or friends with many nuances. The theory that has enjoyed the greatest acceptance is Sternberg’s Triangular Theory, by which this author defends that love is based on three pillars, which are passion, intimacy and commitment. These three axes vary depending on the type of love in question . Although for this author perfection implies a balanced balance of the three elements mentioned, the truth is that there is no perfect love.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.
