Gaslighting or gaslighting is an apparently subtle, but very damaging form of psychological violence. In it, the aggressor makes the victim believe that their perception of reality is distorted.
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The emotional scars of psychological abuse
Although psychological violence does not leave marks on the body, that does not mean that it is less serious . On the contrary, it is a devastating phenomenon for the victim who suffers it, who ends up being annulled, blocked and isolated. A very particular type of violence due to its subtle as well as harmful expression is the so-called gaslighting, also called “gaslighting”.
The psychological abuse “gaslight” gets its name from the film Gaslight, by George Cukor. This film reflects the story of a woman manipulated by her partner, who makes her believe that the reality she lives in is false and that her perceptions are distorted due to memory problems and mental disorders.
The power of abuse is such that the woman firmly believes that she is going crazy, although in reality everything that happens is the work of the aggressor. In other words, her husband manages to modify her entire vision of the world around her to the point of inducing a state of mental imbalance in her. This violence adopts such discreet manifestations that it is especially difficult for the victim and those around her to detect it . Despite its apparent subtlety, the damage experienced by the person who suffers it is very intense and can seriously affect their mental health.
Gaslighting can appear in combination with physical aggression or be an antecedent of these. In any case, getting out of this situation is especially complicated, since the victim is annulled in every way. Due to the importance of detecting this phenomenon early, in this article we are going to delve into what gaslight abuse is and what signs characterize it.
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What is gaslighting or gas light?
Gaslighting or gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse by which the aggressor subdues and annuls the victim with subtle and often imperceptible actions . Despite not being explicit violence, it is tremendously effective and exerts devastating damage on the person who suffers it. Through the repetition of affirmations, the denial of facts that did happen or the use of strategies that promote emotional dependence, the aggressor manages to manipulate and annul the will of his victim, who ends up believing that she is wrong, that everything that happens is his own fault and that he is even losing his mind.
This contributes to the person becoming more and more withdrawn, which makes it even more difficult for family and friends to identify warning signs. Usually, this type of violence occurs within the couple, as another manifestation of gender violence. The sentimental bond that unites the victim with the aggressor can contribute to further blur the signs that indicate that something is not right. In addition, it is not surprising that this violence is restricted to the private sphere, being barely perceptible abroad.
Due to the nature of this type of violence, the victim is rarely aware that they are being abused . Although there may be great suffering, the manipulation turns the woman into a bundle of fears and doubts that prevent her from seeing clearly the situation she is experiencing. As there are no clear aggressions, there is no recognition of herself as a victim.
This also does not give the authorities room to act, since in the absence of specific evidence it is difficult to determine if there is indeed a real situation of abuse. The woman finds it very difficult to explain what she is suffering, which is why the majority refuse to file a complaint and, the few who dare to take the step, run into obstacles that lead to their complaint being filed. Next, we are going to identify some signs that may indicate that a person is suffering gaslight-type psychological abuse:
- The aggressor continually repeats to the victim that he is crazy or that he is losing his mind.
- The aggressor is responsible for manipulating situations to present himself as the victim of what his partner does.
- The victim experiences a continual sense of guilt, as the aggressor tries to hold them accountable for everything that goes wrong.
- The victim may experience disconnection with reality or depersonalization, so that they doubt their vision of the world around them. Of course, this phenomenon begins when your relationship with the aggressor begins and you have never felt this way before.
- The aggressor contradicts the victim in practically everything, even in matters of little importance.
- The assailant may verbally or physically attack things that are of value to the victim.
- The abuser continually lies and openly denies things that have happened.
As we can see, the aggressors question everything the victim does or says, including their own feelings, which are dismissed as exaggerations or inventions . Progressively, the victim internalizes that everything is her problem, that it is not enough and that she is always wrong. All this ends up nullifying her criteria and opinion, adopting an attitude of absolute submission towards her aggressor. In short, he manages to have total control of her person.
As we mentioned before, getting out of this nightmare is quite a challenge. Gaslight victims end up exhausted, exhausted, without the strength to fight. In this sense, the therapeutic support of a mental health professional can help to become aware of what is happening, adopt a real perspective of what is happening and get away from the aggressor. Intervening in cases of this type is essential, since the insecurity and damage to the victim’s self-esteem have repercussions on all levels of her life, making her feel incapable of trusting her abilities and living freely and autonomous.
The gaslight phenomenon mainly affects women, although men are also susceptible to it . In the case of them, detection is even more complicated, since it is less common for them to be mistreated by their partner, it is difficult to detect such apparently subtle violence. Similarly, this type of psychological abuse can affect people of all ages. The youngest are not at all the exception, being much more common than it seems this type of violence. The new generations also perpetuate this form of abuse, feeding the gender roles that are established around the couple.
As it is such an elusive type of violence, the authorities still have a lot of work to do to improve the care and protection of victims. The role of institutions is essential, since the public administration can, through specialized resources, identify this problem early. The professionals who care for these people must be trained, because in the first moments it is not easy to deal with the situation.
There is often a strong ambivalence towards the aggressor, because the person who harms them is at the same time someone with whom they are sentimentally united. The lack of recognition of themselves as victims requires prior therapeutic work that allows them to clear their fears and doubts before deciding to go one step further and notify the relevant organizations of the situation.
In addition, society must be educated to acquire greater awareness in this regard. The support of professionals and society is crucial so that all gaslight victims feel accompanied, can tell their story without fear of being judged or disbelieved, and be able to recover the freedom that the aggressor has taken from them.
Conclusions
In this article we have talked about a very frequent type of psychological abuse, especially in the context of the couple: gaslighting. This violence consists of the aggressor subduing and annulling his victim through subtle actions. Despite how difficult it is to detect, it is a form of violence that is especially harmful for those who suffer it. The victim begins to doubt herself and continually feels guilty, since the aggressor is responsible for making her feel that she is crazy and that everything she feels, thinks and says is not valid.
Despite being a common phenomenon in all ages, the authorities are not yet sufficiently prepared to deal with these cases. Being a violence without explicit evidence, proving it is quite a challenge and most complaints end up being filed . For this reason, it is essential to increase the awareness and sensitization of society, train public administration professionals in this matter and offer therapeutic help to those victims who are suffering from this situation.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.
