That someone is afraid of falling in love seems very surprising, but there are those who suffer in silence.
From the fear of tiny and harmless spiders in big cities to anxiety disorders such as agoraphobia, the range of possibilities among phobias is very wide. However, this article talks about one of the perhaps strangest phobias: philophobia or fear of falling in love. Below are its causes, symptoms and treatment.
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What is philophobia?
Philophobia is the fear some people have of falling in love . Despite the fact that for many people it is the best thing that has ever happened to them, for philophobes it produces an anxiety that they describe as terrible.
The idea of being able to create a strong emotional bond with another person affects them so much that their day-to-day life can be conditioned. In this way, the person with fear of falling in love is capable of beginning to express avoidance behaviors so as not to get to know a potential partner.
This may go unnoticed at first, but in the long run it is practically impossible to lead a normal life. The fear of meeting a special person leads to isolation, conditioning above all the relationship with friends and co-workers.
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Causes
The origin of philophobia is somewhat uncertain, although there are different possible explanations . From psychology, different hypotheses have been established, all of which are related to past experiences.
The most widely accepted explanation is that the philophobic sufferer has been through a painful romantic relationship in the past. When the experience is very negative and the person suffers a lot on an emotional level, the person can develop an aversion to the process of falling in love.
In this way, the philophobic is afraid of the suffering associated with the love relationship, which he sees as inevitable and very counterproductive for his well-being. He doesn’t want to feel vulnerable again and perceives that he can’t trust another person, so his reaction is to avoid any possibility of going through the same thing again.
This reasoning is related to another of the hypotheses that are considered when explaining the fear of falling in love, which is none other than the fear of being rejected. It is a more generalized affective fear, but it can be expressed through a relationship
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Symptoms
Suffering from philophobia implies suffering from a series of symptoms of various kinds in which anxiety takes on a leading role. The person can function normally until they have a thought related to falling in love.
When this happens, a set of psychological and physical symptoms are manifested that affect the life of the philophobic. It is considered a disorder to the extent that there is dysfunction to lead a normal life, and this happens both mentally and behaviorally.
The thoughts that cause such dysfunction have as their main idea how badly they could end up in a relationship. In this way they avoid not only being able to give themselves to someone, but also avoid social situations in which they could find a person who attracts them.
In this way they put a barrier between themselves and other people, and can isolate themselves physically but also emotionally. Sometimes they are very reserved, and cut off a friendship relationship before any possibility of escalating to an affective relationship.
On the other hand, tachycardia, panic attacks or even dyspnea can be physically expressed, that is, lack of air to breathe. There are also people who express intestinal disorders due to nervousness because their body somatizes it in this way.
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Treatment
Overcoming philophobia is possible if it is known how to approach it correctly by a specialist in psychotherapy . However, it is not an easy or fast process for those who suffer from this disorder, since it is a phobic disorder of a certain complexity.
Specific phobias to objects or animals have a simpler treatment. Fears of spiders or knives respond very well to a cognitive-behavioral intervention focused on exposure or visualization of the stressor stimulus.
However, the philophobic faces an intangible fear, so desensitization is more of a challenge. There is not only one stressor stimulus, and working with the exposure to the contexts that cause the symptoms becomes more complicated.
It is for this reason that therapy is widely used in the consultation through visualization techniques. The therapist makes the patient face imagined situations (and therefore controlled) in which he is exposed to situations that generate stress and anxiety.
As psychotherapy progresses, the person suffering from philophobia becomes empowered and feels more secure in this type of situation. This allows him to live in a more peaceful way, accepting fear and even beginning to face it, being the patient’s work outside the consultation also very important.
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Bibliographic references
- Campbell, R.J. (2009). Campbell’s Psychiatric Dictionary. Oxford University Press
- Christophe, A. (2006). Psychology of fear. Fears, anxieties and phobias. Barcelona: Editorial Kairos.
- LeDoux, J. (2003). The emotional brain, fear, and the amygdala. Cellular and Molecular Neurobiology, 23 (4-5), 727-738.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.