Although they sound similar, wanting and loving are not the same, each one represents a very different concept and action.
Loving and wanting may seem similar concepts , even if you go to their definition they may look very similar, but in real life practice, they are two completely different stories.
Everything is based on the perception of the desire that we have about something or someone so that we know their difference. It may sound a bit abstract and subjective, but since it is about personal feelings, it is very much on the point. After all, although you can feel it, love and caring as such cannot be observed.
We can attribute a sense of perception to the gestures, actions and details that people do on a daily basis, such as signs of affection, a romantic melody, a poem, a love story, a flower arrangement or an old couple embracing in the street.
- We recommend you read: “How to ‘fall out of love’ with someone? 10 expert tips”
But if they are two different things, how can we recognize what is love and what is wanting? In this article we will tell you everything you need to know about it.
Why is it important to know the difference?
On a sentimental level there is no big difference between telling your partner ‘I love you’ or ‘I love you’ because both represent the same intensity of emotion towards that person. But, it is important to separate the meaning of both when you seek stability and a greater commitment with your partner. It can even dictate the future of the relationship.
How? Imagine the following scenarios:
- You have been with your partner for several years and you want to take the next step but many doubts arise in your mind because their current situation is more of a long-distance relationship and you are not sure what direction they can take.
- Or in another case, you are super in love with a special boy and your greatest desire is to have a courtship with him, but once you achieve it, it is not as you expected and now you just want to finish.
Love takes time to grow and settle to last over time, while wanting is an immediate desire to have something or someone by your side. When there is no gap between the two feelings, it can cause problems in a couple about how they both see their relationship, where they want to go or even the real feelings they have for each other.
What do we call loving?
What is your intention when you say ‘I want that’? Surely you want to own it, right? Well, that is essentially what love is about. Etymologically, it refers to the desire to possess something that catches our attention or that we need, for which it has a more selfish and personal inclination, since we want to have it just for ourselves.
But on an emotional level , saying that we love someone is transformed into a sweet feeling of affection and appreciation. It is a sign of the significant place it has in our lives, as well as the gratitude for being there. So we can say that it is a delicate and smooth emotion.
the meaning of love
On the other hand, loving implies a more complex feeling where desire, sincerity and absolute dedication to a person come into action. Somehow it is possible to ensure that it is an evolution of love towards a romance that remains over time. When we love a person we are not interested in anything other than spending time with them, living next to them, taking care of them and making them happy.
So in a certain way there is a degree of possession , but it is not just about self-satisfaction, but about building mutual happiness in the couple.
Differences between loving and wanting
As the Little Prince said to the rose, wanting and loving are not the same and here we will leave you some differences so you can see it .
1. Fall in love phase
This is perhaps the biggest difference between these two themes. During the phase of falling in love, you love that person with all your might, you seek to be part of her life, you feel happy that she is by your side, you do not observe any flaws and you presume a little that they are together.
As the relationship progresses, it evolves and the overflowing feelings subside to sit in a combination of peace, commitment, acceptance, and passion. Many are scared by this transformation because they believe that things are not the same, but that does not mean that it is for the worse. Rather, it is a preparation for a possible shared future. that’s what we call love.
2. Acceptance of differences
When loving a person, it is very difficult to observe their defects because we believe that they are perfect as they are, we can even think that this person is too much for us and that it is almost a great feat to be in a relationship. So we tend to be selfish about possessing that person to prevent them from abandoning us, but do you really think someone is that perfect?
It is when the relationship progresses that you realize that no, it is not and that is okay, because loving is about accepting the person you love with all their mistakes and helping them improve, while getting the same reciprocity from them.
3. Need of that person
When you love a person, you only want to possess him, that is, to be by your side to fill some emotional void or for a social need that only that person can alleviate with his presence in your life. But when you love a person, you feel another type of need for them, of wanting to be by their side, living together and experiencing new things with that person, where it no longer fills a void but becomes a complement to your own happiness.
4. Heartbreak vs commitment
It usually happens that when you are in love with a person, there are certain factors that are the basis of why you love her and are with her, factors that, in the face of the slightest change, make you fall out of love with that person. For example, seeing a defect that you do not like, discovering that he is lying to you, that he acts differently with you when he is with other people or that you are not completely happy in the relationship.
Whereas, by loving someone that feeling does not fade, that is, you are always loving her, even in the most difficult moments. problems become a challenge to overcome and every day they work together so that the relationship advances to new levels and both grow as people, always accompanied by that feeling of perpetual love.
5. Dedication time
When we are in love or love someone, despite wanting to have that person with us, we do not seek to be completely available to them, because we still feel the need to have a space of privacy and intimacy of our own that we do not want to see taken. That is why we do not spend so much time with the couple and the time that is taken is usually used to have fun.
While, when you get to know that person more, you become interested in their life and therefore want to share more of your own world. So little by little we dedicate not only more of our time but also want to invite him into our personal space. So a shared world begins to be built just for the two of them.
6. Feeling loved
Another very important point in the differences between wanting and loving someone is our own level of trust, comfort and appreciation in the relationship. After all, how can we be next to someone who does not correspond to us in the same way?
When loving someone these feelings of being loved go into the background. Not in the sense that we let them pass us by or settle for it, but that we dedicate ourselves more to making the other person happy and we do not stop to think if that person also makes us happy.
While, as time goes by, we can realize the details that the other person has with us, their dedication, support, commitment and collaboration in making us a better person, which shows us that they also love us.
But, when time passes and the situation is completely opposite. That is to say, we observe that the person only demands without giving something in return, judges us, tries to mold us to what he likes the most, does not share his time or does not look for ways to build a future. Then you know that this represents the antithesis of love.
7. Steadfast trust
When we love someone, as we mentioned before, there is a part that you do not give completely. You maintain a certain degree of reserve and privacy with yourself that you do not want to show, as a form of defense in case something bad happens. In general, this reservation has to do with what you can trust the other, what you want to tell or show them about your life.
While, when loving someone, trust is given immediately and it does not feel like a sacrifice or an obligation to have with your partner, but rather it occurs as a natural process of the relationship. This is because, when there is love, you are completely sure that this person will watch over your secrets and appreciate them as a gift. But also that he will know how to listen to you in the event of any discomfort that arises, so that they can discuss it between the two of them.
8. Perception of romance
When you want a person by your side, you seek to impress them, especially in the conquest phase. You give her gifts, buy flowers, dedicate songs, go to dinner at exclusive places, etc. At this stage, romance is a bit more material and is used as a weapon to get what you want.
While, in the love of a couple, romance is everywhere. In the evenings watching TV together, in spontaneous chats, in night calls, in good morning messages, in a home-cooked meal or in a simple outing. Loving someone transforms the meaning of romance, which can come from just being with that special someone, no matter the location or circumstances.
9. Depth in emotions
In a certain way, when we love someone we have a feeling of desperation to have them, since if it were not possible something bad could happen. As if he finds another person or stops loving us and that would represent devastation. That is why falling in love is stormy, we are always agitated, nervous and expectant..
On the other hand, when the infatuation settles and the love between the couple arises, that desperation is transformed into tranquility. We are no longer desperate to check all the time what that person feels for us, or to show affection with impressive actions.
That is why many get scared and believe that they no longer feel the same way about their partner or vice versa. But it has nothing to do with not feeling something for the other person, but love begins to spread in all actions and therefore, to have another meaning.
10. Level of passion
This is another of the great differences between wanting and loving, where the saying ‘We all know how to love, but little do we know how to love’ is confirmed and it is about the level of sexual attraction that we have towards the person.
When we love someone and we are in the phase of wanting to possess her, we tend to have a high level of sexual desire because we just want to experience all that frantic feeling. This is accompanied by making hasty decisions and just wanting to have a good time. While when loving, we want a commitment, at any level of the word, we are more inclined towards loyalty and strengthening sentimental ties.
It does not refer to a decrease in intimate attraction, but rather that one’s intimacy expands beyond sex.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.
