We offer you the keys to overcome the death of a close person, going through the different phases of grief.
And it is that, depending on our character, way of being or cultural and religious baggage, this process will be more or less difficult to cope with, and it will also be based on our preparation and knowledge on the subject.
- It may interest you: “The 10 types of depression (and their causes and usual symptoms)”
Thus, in this article you will find a series of tools and practical knowledge so that you can face the death of a loved one in the best possible way, as well as a summary of the 5 phases of grief established by psychology professionals.
Psychological keys to overcome grief due to the death of a loved one
In the following lines you will be able to read several useful tips when it comes to overcoming the death of a loved one, going through the different phases of grief with the greatest integrity and awareness possible.
Of course, you must bear in mind that the process of coping with the death of a loved one will change depending on the personal and contextual characteristics involved in each case, since some people take longer to go through all the phases and others take less time; In addition, the mourning will also be different in the case of whether the deceased is a close relative or with whom one had more relationship, such as a father or a sister, or if it is someone with whom we had less relationship.
1. Talk about what happened
Talking from time to time with friends and family about the death of the loved one will help us overcome the bad moment we are going through, since it makes it easier for us to order our ideas about it.
By sharing our pain with others and receiving their support and understanding as we verbalize our grief, the healing process will take less time than if we keep everything we think and feel about the event to ourselves.
In the same way, the fact of talking to other people about the death of our family member or friend will help us to overcome the first stage of grief, Denial, the one in which the person denies to himself that the death has happened, for be a fact too painful to assimilate.
2. Do an empathic connection exercise with the past
As we have seen, the first stage of grief is usually denial, but in addition to this, there will be 4 more psychological ones that we normally go through after the death of a loved one. It is important to accept all the phases we go through as something normal, as well as our feelings in each of them.
In addition to that, we must understand that not all of us go through the same processes nor do they last the same time, so we should not pressure anyone, not even ourselves, to try to speed up the grieving process.
The second stage of grief is that of Anger, in which the person experiences feelings of rage or frustration for what happened, in addition to looking for blame; To prevent this from generating problems that aggravate the pain we feel, it is best to focus on the following question: is it fair to assess the morality of someone’s behavior from the perspective of someone who lives in a very different reality?
The death of a loved one implies a radical change, practically overnight, in the world we perceive; our priorities and values are often rearranged, due to the emotional charge of that intense moment. For this reason, it is very common to be very cruel to others and to ourselves, since in many aspects, we are other people.
Therefore, we must be aware that while the duel lasts, our way of seeing things will be different; and not because that new perspective is better or worse, but simply because of the way in which the torrent of emotions that we are feeling is affecting us. It is not appropriate to judge what happened before the death of that loved one by assuming that it is now, shortly after his death, that we are absolutely right. We are simply in a very different context.
3. Being close to our loved ones
After the anger phase, the negotiation phase usually comes, in which we fantasize about the possibility of being able to reverse that death or think of alternative scenarios in which the person has not died.
In short, we begin to manipulate what we know about the world so that it adapts to our desire for reunion, looking for points of negotiation between what we want and what is possible: we think that perhaps a technology capable of resurrecting human beings will be developed, or to help generate a digital version of it, etc.
This phase offers momentary relief, and that is why it does not usually generate notable problems compared to the previous ones. However, it is important not to isolate yourself because of this tendency to withdraw. We must also pay special attention to older relatives who may need special help after the death of someone close.
Mutual support will make it possible for all of us to overcome this bad experience much better, giving each other strength and sharing our emotions and feelings at all times.
4. Take care of yourself
The following is the Depression phase, where the person faces reality and suffers a period of sadness or anguish experienced in an “acute” way.
Given this, another of the keys that it is advisable to apply after the death of a loved one, in addition to taking care of our affected environment, is also taking care of ourselves, both physically and psychologically.
Continuing to maintain basic health and well-being habits after the shock of the first few days will be essential to gradually return to a state of normalcy. Among these habits we can highlight those of sleeping the hours we need, eating 3 or 4 times a day and trying to do moderate exercise.
5. Remind the person
Finally, the Acceptance phase arrives, where the death is accepted and little by little the pain is overcome.
Although at first we have a tendency to deny the death of the person and not want to think about what happened, it is advisable to remember the loved one who has left us, dedicate thoughts to him on a regular basis. In this way we resignify these memories and integrate them into our memory in harmony with our way of being, feeling and thinking.
6. Go to the psychologist
Sometimes, the processes of psychological mourning are complicated and it is advisable to go to psychology professionals. An abnormal or excessively long grieving process is also a reason to go to a psychologist, even when some time has passed since the death occurred. It is never too late to start an emotional recovery process.
Are you interested in having psychological support?
If you are going through a complicated grieving process and you notice that you cannot get over the death of a loved one, I suggest you contact me. I am a psychologist specialized in the cognitive-behavioral intervention model and I have many years of experience helping people with this kind of emotional problems.
You can count on my psychological intervention services in my office in Madrid or through online sessions by video call.
To the classic question “what do you do?” I always answer “basically I am a psychologist”. In fact, my academic training has revolved around the psychology of development, education and community, a field of study influenced my volunteer activities, as well as my first work experiences in personal services.